Buddhism for Mothers
Written by Sarah Napthali, author of Buddhism for Mothers with Lingering Questions
'Dukkha'
As my children grow older, I am aware of my love for them increasing with each passing day. This sublime feeling of adoration however is tinged with what Buddhists call ‘dukkha’, often translated as suffering or pain.
The mounting love is accompanied by a rising fear that they might suffer, and worst of all, that I might somehow lose them. Yet as human beings they will suffer. This is the Buddha’s first noble truth. The only answer, after we have done our best for them, is surrender and acceptance.
A wise friend whose now-grown child went through several of the most dreadful of health scares in his teenage years wrote to me recently: “He thinks his depth of being is significantly greater than that of many of his friends and their abiding love and support suggests that this may be so...I have seen the strength and self-understanding and also the real love of life that has come from his suffering.”
They may suffer, but they might also thrive.
'Feeling guilty'
As we know, mothers live at risk of becoming slaves to guilt. We may feel guilty about losing our cool with the children, arguing with our partner, failing to live up to our standards as a mother, overeating, wasting time ... the list is endless. We may also have noticed that we are often feeling guilty about the same things. Why do we not resolve the guilt-inducing areas of our lives? Could it be that guilt doesn't work and only draws us into a cycle of frustration or even self-loathing? The Buddhist alternative to guilt is non-judgemental awareness. Next time a guilt-triggering incident occurs, turn inward and ask yourself, ‘what is really going on here?’ Observe your thoughts, feelings, body sensations.
‘Refrain from judging yourself or forcing a change to what has arisen within you and opt for ‘clear seeing’. You might learn, for example, that your anger is not the simple reaction it at first appears but has component parts including fear, fatigue, old stories about yourself, recurring thoughts and cravings. Be curious, have compassion for yourself and be prepared to forgive yourself.
